Holey Moley!

The wife and I rode our bikes home from a concert in park yesterday to find our flower bed with tons of mole hills in it. We were pretty pissed because we have spent so much time early this summer planting flowers and working on our yard. I didn't want to have to kill the mole, being as I don't eat animals and all. So we smoothed out the hills hoping it was a one time thing. Our hopes were dashed when we woke up to find about ten to twelve mounds of dirt in the front yard's flower bed. Now I was really steamed up.

My wonderful neighbor (who looks like Jesus and grows "medical" marijuana) came over to assess the damage. Together we discuss our options. The first thing we tried was to flush our little ground rodent out. We dug up one of his holes and stuck the garden hose in it, hoping the water would go through his tunnels making him take off. We stuck the hose in and turned it on. We waited, and then about fifteen little fountains sprung up in the flower bed and in our lawn! The little bastard had been burrowing in our lawn too! Now I was about ready to kill the son of a bitch.

I rode my bike to the nursery and asked for some humane ways of getting rid of moles. The older women there said, "My husband just waits (sometimes up to three hours) for one of the guys to show his head then shoots it with his .22!" This wasn't really an option for me (not sure if I could shoot it and I don't even have an air soft gun, let alone a .22). So I rode to Fred Meyer to see about my other options. They had an humane mole remover. It was a long tube that you put batteries in and bury, then it transmits really high pitched noises that the rodents hate and they leave. $25 later I was burying the noise stick in the mole's tunnels.

Then I waited. I checked back every twenty minutes to see he made any new holes. Nothing for about 2 or 3 hours. Then I went back out, and sure as hell he had made a huge hill right next to my noise stick! I was all fired up (the wife had come to watch all this) so I grabbed the hose and started digging in his hole to find his burrows and flush him. Right then I saw the ground around my hands move. I yelped and grabbed the shovel. I dug deep in the hole and got him! Frightened and jumpy I flung him (and about a pound of dirt) across the lawn. At this point the wife is screaming and I'm running to try and trap him. I set a create on him and yelled victoriously only to watch him began to burrow in the grass. "Oh no you don't, you bastard!" I yelled and quickly grabbed the shovel, scooped him up, and put him the create. I drove him to an empty lot and let him go.

He can do a ton of damage for a little guy.

Here's to hoping he's the only one!!!!