Being married is great. Actually, its better than great, it is spectacular. I am so happily married, I can't even tell you. I enjoy spending time with my wife. She makes me laugh, she makes me think, and she is fun to be around. We have had so many great experiences together in the short 2+ years we have been married.
That being said (you had to know this was coming, right?) there are times when being married simply means you have to compromise. The following is a story about that.
A while back, Carrie found out that her cousin was getting married in Prescott, AZ sometime in May. She expressed to me then (probably around November) that she really wanted to make it a priority for us to go. I told her that we would for sure make it happen for her, and that I would go with her if we had the money, otherwise I would stay home and just she would go. As the date came closer, we continued to talk about it and every time it came back to the same thing: if the money was there, I was going, if not, I wasn't going.
So you could image my dilemma when I found out who was coming to play Bend the very weekend that we had talked about going to the wedding. Now what? Now it wasn't so much the money (after all, I would be spending over $100 to go to all three concerts) but more about me just wanting to be in Bend to see those shows! Our conversation about it didn't start out too well, as both of us were defensive and not communicating clearly. But after a few days of thinking it overs and a couple apologies on each side, we were able to have a very good conversation about it.
Here is what it came down to: Carrie really wanted me to come with to spend time with her and her family (and found round trip tickets for $250 out of Redmond!), and I really wanted to stay and see those shows (I have never seen any off these bands and I absolutely love Death Cab, The Decemberists, and Modest Mouse, not to mention the others playing that weekend). So we had a big dilemma. We talked, and talked, and talked some more and we each truly understood the position of the other; but when push came to shove, neither of us wanted the outcome of the other. (Carrie even checked the tour dates of the bands to see if they were going to be in Portland at different dates that I could go see them. Of course this was no use because they all are playing Portland the day before or after they are in Bend.)
So we had come to an agreement. And I think we did a good job of finding one. The plan is: I will go to the wedding. We will fly out of Redmond Thursday night (taking Friday off work, don't tell the boss) go to the wedding and hang with family, and fly home Sunday. The kicker? We made sure to get a flight that comes in Sunday afternoon at 4. So I can still go see Modest Mouse!
Is it what I wanted? No. But is it better than missing all the shows? Yes; so I'll take it.
2 comments:
I understand the art of compromise- and appreciate its importance in a marriage. But, what if scenarios change after a deal has been struck?
Like say...Adam Wright and Sam Richard both want to come to Bend and visit that weekend???
How say you?
not bad for a rookie. but you made a critical error...you failed to think outside the box. you probably could have got a future concert or a tattoo out of the deal...at least a new vinyl. you can't just match up wedding vs. concert, it creates too much tension. you need variables to soften the deal. but like i said, not bad for a rookie. if you need representation call me at 555-low-ball. fyi can't wait to see you and carrie next week.
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